So, for those of you that have spent… well really any time talking to me over the last six months, everything in this particular post will be very familiar. The desire to evolve and the different facets of that train of thought have been something I have been mulling over and lets just be very honest…. obsessing over, for quite a while. Because for me, thinking this way made life sort of snap into focus. It allowed me to let go of hurt, and attachment to outcomes, and even jealousy.

Yeah, it sort of flipped the world inside my head upside down and I love that just a little bit.

I happen to really like being challenged.

But I digress.

I have worked very hard to allow myself to evolve, to change, and to embrace life fully. And in that, has come so much joy, so much pain, so much loss, and even more freedom. All of it in the best kind of way. For me, this path has cleared out all the extra, and left me with the things I actually want, and the things that make life so fucking beautiful.

The Desire to Evolve is an Innate Desire

Let’s talk about that word really quick. Innate. I see it get tossed around a lot and I sort of wonder if people really understand. In order for something to be innate, it must be something we automatically know, and our minds or body’s do without prompting when a certain stimulus is present. Such as breathing, sucking motions, crying when upset, laughing when tickled, seeking comfort, and learning. These are things that we come into the world knowing how to do. We often don’t think about things like empathy or self-control in this list but that is indeed innate to us as well, however, it is something that requires the development of certain parts of the brain that are not developed until later on. Also requires a subconscious which is not present in early childhood.

I got off topic there though to be honest.

I could take it out, but I thought it was fascinating information so… There it is.

Something you may have noticed in that little mess of information, is that the things that are innate to us, are needed for our survival.

So, when I say that the desire to evolve is innate, it stands to reason that it is required for our survival. And yet, we as a society seem to think the only way we can truly evolve after a certain point is within a career we picked when we were children.

We get married, and we have pretty babies, and we start life and then, that is it. Thats what we do. That is our life. And we allow ourselves to get stuck in one way of thinking and one way of doing things, with very little room to evolve.

We have a mental health crisis in this country and in many others. And while I will say this is not the reason for it, it certainly is not helping us get out of it either. Because there is an essential part of our survival that we all seem to think is not necessary after the surpassing of an arbitrary age. We tell people they need to ‘grow up’. Which I agree with whole heartily. Until I realized it really meant, becoming a boring old women.

*grumble grumble*

The Shackles of Society are Very Real.

Did you know the majority of the things we find to be ‘right’ within our society are stemmed from the Christian faith? And the majority of those things were formed from a group of extremists that fled the English rule because their ideals were to loose? Haha yeah, we didn’t learn that in hi school history, but… look it up. It’s actually quite interesting. Disgusting really, but interesting.

That does mean that our country was founded on principles laid out by a group of individuals that thought CATHOLIC law was just to fucking sinful. They laid out rules on the way men and women should conduct themselves in every single aspect of their life’s, and these ideals have been passed down over many generations in full fucking force.

Did you know that in most pre colonization cultures, things like polyamory, harams, and varies forms of polygamy were practiced very successfully? They created strong, unbreakable families that felt right and worked for them without this astringent desire for monogamy? Monogamy happened 100%. But it wasn’t the only thing.

Did you know that before the outreach efforts of the bible following cult, things like weed and shrooms were a normal thing to find in any and all households? They were even used in varies rituals and get togethers. Alcohol was consumed on the regular in nearly every home, and these things were only really frowned upon if they became a hazard to your family.

Did you know that sex had always been viewed as a powerful exchange of energy? Not something that was encouraged to only happen with one person. And the origins of what we would now call whores, were actually powerful women that were desired by many because of their ability to bolster confidence and satiate a level of energy within another being?

And then religion got involved.

And everything got really mother fucking boring.

Just saying.

True Freedom,

True freedom is attained through your ability to be open minded. To allow yourself to evolve and change and think differently. When I talk about this a lot of people say this would be used as a good excuse to leave a lifelong partner or abandon your children. Because you have evolved passed it, right?

Haha well….

No.

But also yes.

Do not abandon your children though. I am not saying that even a fucking little.

If you do, you will forever be viewed by me as a piece of shit human.

I’m not sorry.

And if you are in a long term commitment with another being, that shit means something. Your word means something. But a good lifelong partner should encourage the continued evolvement of you as a human. I find the statement “You’ve changed” Or “Your not who I married” to be really confusing.

Like no… They are not the same person they were five years ago darling. That is what is supposed to happen!

But when that happens together… not in the same way… but together, there should be excitement of those things. Not just with your romantic partners but your friends to. This idea that everyone just needs to figure out who they are and stay that way forever, is insane!

What if you attend a pottery class, because it’s fun, and you wanted to learn a new skill, and turns out you fucking love it, and decide to do a little switcharoony in careers? Or attend a birth and realize you want to be a doula because it was a fulfilling and beautiful thing? Or you went to the bar and had seen the most amazing cocktail being made and decided that drinks are your new hobby?

What happens if you encounter a very difficult person, and you learn to be a lot calmer and patient in a hard situation? Or your partner goes through a really hard mental break, and you need to learn how to take care of someone and learn diligence and true unconditional love? Or you have a child, and it pulls on certain parts of your heart that changes you fundamentally.

What if you decide to go on an adventure and find out you fucking love deep sea diving, or sharks, or waterfalls, or cliff diving, or hunting, or guns, or photography, or a game, or whatever the fuck else?

Evolving is meant to be fun and full and free. Life is meant to be fun and full and free.

It doesn’t mean you bail on your husband or your wife on whim. It doesn’t mean you cannot still be a productive adult that gets shit done and takes care of your family in whatever capacity you are needed. Thats not it

Evolving requires that you say yes to life.

Say yes to the random hook up.

Say yes to the bonfires, and game night and the second drink.

Say yes to the trip, or the hike, or the vineyard.

Say yes to the weed, and the shrooms and the alcohol.

Say yes to the random ass thing the weird friend in the group said we should try.

Laugh.

Cry.

Experience.

Love.

Hate.

Enjoy.

Hustle.

Take a chance.

Live.

This desire to evolve and grow is innate to you. It’s completely possible this is something you will have to relearn now. Something can only be suppressed for so long before it jumps ship. But it is essential to your survival. Let’s be honest, what fights off depression and anxiety better then true joy and life?

Look, if you are perfectly happy following the beaten path and letting life happen to you, then you do that. Truly. No judgment. But I would like to challenge that a little. Challenge you to think about the things that you believe, and the way you conduct yourself and ask yourself, are you living the best life you can right now? Are you the fullest and most satiated version of you? If not, don’t you want that?

just a thought.

But what do I know? I am just a women, trying to fucking make it.

I put down my book to write this. Anyone who knows me knows that this is a big fat no for me. If I am reading, I am reading. The idea of being interpreted from the delicious reprieve into my own mind, is not exactly one I relish and tends to make me more than a little snappy. Sometimes bitey. And a lot of attitude to mix in there. Yeah… It’s not pretty. But I digress. 

               Today though, today I had to put it down, and I had to process what I had just read. It hit me like a ton of bricks, and then some. I knew I had to take some time with it, and process it because ultimately, I know myself and I know that as quickly as it hits me, it will leave me if I don’t honor it. So here we are. This will probably not be eloquent, and perfectly lay out the way it’s supposed to and I am just going to put my thoughts down as they come. So, be ready. 

               Or don’t.

               Genuinely don’t care to be honest.

               I am reading Sacred Sex by Gabriela Herstik. Amazing book, highly recommend.

I mean I have never seen a book about sex encourage me to watch porn, so it officially has my vote. Just saying.

               She began talking about no’s and honoring your nos. That is well and good, and I love that. So here for it. What struck me was the line where she said “The word no isn’t often celebrated. Many people take it as a personal attack. But the truth is that engaging with a no is a radical act of aligning with your truth.”

               Hold the mother fucking phone.

               That adds.

               That gives more.

               Not takes away.

               The no…. adds to the situation?

               Can someone please make the math, math… please.

               I don’t actually know where the idea that no subtracts to the situation rather than adds to it began. I am not talking about just sexually either though it is a contributing factor. But in life in general. I understand the value of no in your business and the value of no in your sexual relationships those are easy. But life? Maybe it was because my parents said no far more often than they said yes? Maybe because I devalued myself to the point of nauseum for so long that I didn’t even know myself. So no made me an empty hollow creature? Maybe because the word no has always made me feel like a shackle being left on my arm, just waiting for someone to pull it and take away my desires. I don’t know. Maybe a little mix of all the things and somehow, we ended up here.

               But the me in the here and now, really does not enjoy a no. I mean I have mad respect for the word. I would never push a boundary set by someone, really anyone, but the least of which someone I love. I would never take away their choices and what does and does not feel good for them. But it always stings a little. Raises the head of a beast in me that makes me what to scream. I wrangle that bitch down and stomp on her fucking head every single time. No exceptions. But fuck if she isn’t real. She revels in freedom and no boundaries, and the ability to fly untethered. And it flares up so desperately because often times, I can see there resounding no, as a weight they carry that can be lifted, not something that truly benefits them.

               But this idea that no is a good thing. The right thing. A thing that can allow me to come in closer connection with what is right and good for my life right now? Not even going to try to lie to you, I rejected it entirely.

               The more logical part of mind sees, that is truth. The logical and practical part of my mind is often lacking. I prefer to take a dreamier approach to life, that if you want something bad enough, it’ll all just work out in the end. And since that usually works for me, I am going to run with it. It probably works because the people around me are far more practical and scramble to make it all work as I bulldoze my way through making shit happen. But still. I can see that truth plain as day.

               No is good. Boundaries set by the people in your life add to the dynamic, add to the fun and joy and pleasure. Gives more. It takes nothing away. Simply aligns things closer to truth. Closer to what is actually good, and right, and pleasurable. Hasn’t that been true in my own life? When the people around me create boundaries that feel right, and I adjust, and then things are… much better. And its worked in reverse where I set a boundary and the people in my life adjust, and thing end up being… much better.

               I could always see that. Its why I am so willing to battle myself over that shit every single time. It aligns life so fully and so completely. But there is a part of me that always wonders what it would be like if no wasn’t an option. And my family just attacked life so fully and so forcefully that nothing stands in the way. Were we didn’t hold each other back and just let ourselves have everything.

               Its why I ended up in the type of relationship I am currently in. And I am still so fucking thankful for that freedom. I feel more myself to be allowed freedom in the way I interact with the people around me.

               So while I see the truth in it. And I want to work so hard to see the no’s that are presented to me as radical opportunity of alignment. I also always want to be cautious of my no’s. I want to look at them closely and make sure they are in true alignment. Because I kind of think… life was for the yes. Life is for the dream. Life is for action and pushing and moving and growing.

               I don’t want to say no just because it is uncomfortable, and I wish more people were like that. Because I think that if no brings alignment, Then the people attacking life with you, have to be self-aware enough to know if it’s no because it’s scary or a no because it really is a no. Because a real one, yes, I can see that as being so life giving and even freeing! Looking at no as a shift, makes it all come into a line for me. I can see that. But if the no is based in fear, or worry, or self-sabotage? How does that really help anyone or anything?

               Obviously, this in varying degrees based on the situation. But I kind of wish we lived in a world where yes was valued so much more than it is. Pushing boundaries and allowing self-growth in the way of experiences. When our children want to do something, we say yes as often as possible. Then when it’s a no, they understand the value and the weight of it more steadily. When opportunity comes our way, it’s a resounding yes. So, when your intuition tells you it’s a no, your more ready to honor yourself in that way.  

               I think what I am getting at. Is No, and yes, both need to be honored and respected as much as we can. Because the more value we place on one, the less value the other holds. And both are so fucking important. More important than I gave it credit for.

I feel like there isn’t much to say about this because there is so much out there that goes into detail. Blogs and videos and classes. You name it, it’s out there. Taking care of your inner child is not something that is hard at this point. Well Taking care of your inner child can be hard at times, but finding the information about it really isn’t. There are whole ass books about it if you would like. The information is there you just gotta go find it.

That is not what this is about really. This is just me telling you how it helped me really. And maybe help you find some freedom to.

First thoughts

What I do want to talk about is why. The thing is, we seem to forget that until your between the ages of six and seven, there is no barrier between the conscious and subconscious. There is no base to compare whatever you’re facing. There is no preconceived notion to help you navigate whatever it is that you are facing. Whatever is in front of you, that’s your whole world. If a child is scared, all there is in the world is fear. If they are happy, all there is in the world is happy. Etc etc.  And slowly overtime, the subconscious mind is solidified and thus setting the foundation for your whole life.

The whole fucking thing. No joke.

This is why Empathy is something that is developed later on in life, and why kids lack any and all impulse control. They are not trying to make you frustrated, there brain just straight up does not do it. There brain is developing still. Which is why I think being respectful to your babies is important.

And parents don’t always realize that. They are human, and make human choices. You don’t have to have gone through a major event to have trauma or limiting beliefs from that time. It’s all about the story we tell ourselves in that time about whatever is happening. It can be as simple as mom didn’t listen to my story. Or dad lost his cool one night. 

Which by the way seems to make parents really nervous about their parenting. But I will get into that another time. It’s not as hard as you think. promise. 

Anyway, taking care of that part of you, also helps heal the subconscious mind, releasing traumas and limiting beliefs and ideals that keep you from the life you want. Going back to that space and healing and taking care of yourself is vital to the whole story. Being playful and silly and alive is not a bad thing. It’s just something most of us are ashamed of because of the way we grew up. See that really fun little cycle? Yeah, it’s a relenting bitch, that only stops when you take the time to be playful and tell yourself the whole story. 

What I did

The thing about taking care of your inner child, is that sometimes at first it feels foolish. But honestly, just doing things little you wanted to do that you didn’t get to do usually does the trick. There is other things you can do to truly heal those parts of you, there is more to the equation then what I am going to talk about here. It’s all-important! But I just want to talk about how to bring that part of you out.

For me, this was FUCKING HARD. 

I had been suppressing that playful and childlike part of me for so long that I didn’t even know where to start and every single time I tried… I could never get into it. Like ever. As a young adult, I was not playful, and children things were for children. I was hard and rough and honestly, angry. But that was the exact reason that I needed to take care of my inner child. Those things are not things I wanted to be. They came naturally to me, and I was comfortable being that way. I was turned off by simple pleasures and childish things because little me was always expected to be a certain way. My subconscious was FULL of limiting beliefs and getting myself to a point where I could heal that part of me was brutal. I cried. A lot. 

It felt foreign and wrong and just straight up stupid. Like gave me the desire to throw up kind of wrong. 

I may have had some… issues. Okay? It is what it is. 

But fuck when I let go… The feeling was euphoric. And I have never been the same. I tell people all the time there is nothing quite like letting go. The rush and the high and the freedom that comes with just saying fuck it, is nothing short of amazing. Not just with this but in life in general.

What I did do?

Look, I can’t tell you what your inner child needs. I really can’t. Only you know that. But I can tell you what I did and hopefully spark some yummy ideas.  

Finger painting. Fuck was that weird and I STRUGGLED. Now I do it all the time and don’t even think about it. I had taken art classes and had been classically trained (at the very base level) so forgoing the paint brushes and spatulas and tools in favor of my fingers felt like I was breaking all the rules and could never create anything amazing. It felt limiting.

The thing is… it didn’t have to be fucking amazing. I had to get it through my thick ass skull that not everything I do has to be profound and amazing. Now I do it every time I need a good energy shift. No one likes a resting bitch personality and if I have had a long hard day… guess what I am?!   

I also did things like playing dress up. Though my taste was significantly more adult than it would have been as a child, it was still so playful and yummy. Just putting myself together and making myself into things I will never be, was honestly so fun once I got into it.

Now I do it in scantly clothing that makes me feel like a goddess, take some pictures, and sell them… I may have missed the mark on that one as it evolved… but still do it. 

Dancing around the house! Fuck that has become one of my favorite things. Tapping into that part of my childlike brain and being fully in the moment was one of the most transformative and releasing things I had ever done. I was always so carful about the way my body looked and the way I held myself. Now I don’t give a flying fuck. If you don’t like the way I look, stop looking my dude. One of us has the problem here and it sure as fuck is not me. 

Playful songs

Playing in the mud

Laughing way too hard at stupid shit.

Watching Cartoons on a Saturday morning with a bowl of cereal. It doesn’t have the same effect that it did when I was a kid. Something about having to race to the bathroom, or race to get whatever I need while the commercials were being played really did add a little something. But hey its still nice.

Overall

For real, what did little you want? What did the child in you long for that you never got to do for one reason or another? There are a million things it could be. I didn’t even come close to scratching the surface. And I find things often that I do just for the sake of doing it. It can be hard at first, but don’t get discouraged. Life is hard. But you are worth it.

Podcast going more in depth about this will be coming soon.

The inner child is what we are all focused on usually. Truly, I get it. Those first six-seven years of life really did a number on a lot of us, and it is important to go back and let that part of you heal and learn and grow. Love it. Wanna go more in depth about it in another post and maybe even deeper in a podcast. But what I don’t hear people talking about is the ability to take care of the ethereal being that lives inside of you.

We all have it!

And its fucking vital.

What do I mean

I say that, and most people really just have no clue what I am talking about. That makes sense to me too. But for a moment, I want you to think about your soul. Think about the fact that this soul inside of you was at one point living in a very different realm. Had the option to not experience the hurt and the heart break and all the messy things that we deal with on a very regular basis. No hurt, no pain… a very simple and free existence with all the understanding.

So why choose to come here? At this time, in this plane of existence. Knowing that they would have to endure the traumas and the hurt and the pain of this life? I mean… to learn the lessons of course. But we usually stop there. Life is school. I do think it’s important to look at life that way. But that is not all there is.

All these emotions and experiences, they came for that too. We are here to experience. And if you are intentional, and willing to heal the hurt parts of you, most of those experiences can be so fucking good! That inner ethereal being is CRAVING pleasure and love and excitement. Craving the things in life, it came here to experience.

For some of us, like myself… That is love and travel and parties and meeting new people and having this big, exciting life. For others that is love, and softness, and simple pleasures. And pretty much everything in between.

But we get so hung up on the other part, the making money, and taking care of what needs taken care of, that we forget to enjoy the ride.

So what does that look like?

It looks different for everyone. But I always recommend starting small. Little rituals throughout the day to help you remember to slow down and find the things that bring you pleasure and joy.

For me… its.

Sex. Fuck do I love the sexual experience. Probably more than most, and certainly more the most women at this point in time. Though, I think as women start to unlock their pleasure that really wont be as much of a thing, but I digress. I love that, in a GOOD sexual experience, I feel alive, and my entire body catches fire in the most delicious kind of way. I love that my pussy throbs and my brain clears, and I can lose myself in the experience. It can almost be this portal to another planet entirely and I happen to love being on that planet.

Luxury. Look. I know I am an indulgent bitch sometimes. But do you know how often I turn off every light in my house, and shower by candlelight? It’s a lot. I am careful that every product I use on my body, I LOVE. And smells amazing and makes me feel good. I take my time to care for myself, and pay attention to each of me senses, and I absolutely oil myself up and massage as much of myself as possible. I take my time. I make sure my bed is comfortable, and I play music that makes me feel something. Turning every bit of self-care into an experience.

Road trips and travel. There is nothing, and do mean nothing, like a good road trip. The windows are down and good music playing. The joking and the laughter. Maybe a really good book playing. Seeing new things and taking lots of pictures. Taking stops in secluded areas to have some fun in the back seat. Finding good food and taking naps in the sun. Fuck do I love a good road trip. Nothing makes me come alive and be fully in the moment than going on a little adventure. No matter how short or long.

Final thoughts

No matter what it may look like for you, life is for the living. Life is for pleasure and fun and experiences. And no, not everything is going to be that way. But you have the power to make more of your life something delicious and yummy.

think at this point everyone and there fucking mom has heard about taking care of your inner child. Today I want to talk about taking care of your inner ethereal. It makes so much sense to me that the Taking care of your inner child

Podcast to go more in depth about this, coming soon.