Elizabeth Eternal

Eternally growing. Eternally evolving. Eternally Learning

The Absolute Joy of Rock Bottom

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You read that right. There is joy in rock bottom

I said what I meant, and I meant what I said.

The thing is, nothing is inherently bad or inherently good. Everything is neutral until given context. I mean EVERYTHING. Drugs? Neutral. Sex? Neutral. Love? Neutral. And rock bottom is truly neutral.

The reason we have so much sadness there, and it feels so impactful is because all of our trauma, defining misbeliefs, and insecurities are being poked and prodded by absolutely everything in our lives. Even if that is simply loneliness.

Life is school. Everything in life is a reflection of yourself. The energy that you hold, is the energy you will attract. So when things are happening, it is a direct reflection of what is inside. And that can be a really fucking scary place to meet yourself at.

So, why is this joyful.

I say all of that like it’s the easiest thing in the entire world. Like being faced with everything broken and unhealed in you is easy as pie. It’s not. I know that. I have faced enough of my demons, chased down my own patterns, and been in enough extraordinarily dark places, to know that there is nothing fun about that.

Fun and joy are two different things. Maybe it is because I am a writer, and I love a really good story. But at the end of the day, there is nothing like a really good redemption arch. There is nothing as beautiful and raw and delicious as someone who is in a space that is uncomfortable and left with the choice to face it or drown.

We all struggle to face the truth when our life looks pretty good. When there is a relationship, and a job, and we are surviving. The truth is, we choose these things and cling to them with a death grip, because deep down, we believe that survival is all there really is. But when even that goes, when everything is stripped away, and its just you standing there, you can see clearly where you went wrong.

All the things you didn’t want become so clear. What is even better, is when you can look at it long enough to realize WHY you chose it. And then take the time to heal that part of you, to choose something different. That is joyful, that is beautiful, that is true and undeniable love.

Love

Loving yourself enough to find joy and pleasure in every area of your life is a hard thing to accomplish. I am not going to lie to you. It feels damn hard because when you find yourself at rock bottom, its easy to dip into self loathing. When you start to see all of the things you have done to get you to this point, and take ownership of your life, its far to fucking easy to dip into self blaming.

The thing is, you sucked sometimes, yes. I sucked sometimes. Sometimes… I still do. That is again a beautiful part of being human. It’s all a part of the experience. If you can find love for the part of you that does shitty things, you also find the love for healing it.

That is the crazy thing about life. All the jobs and the careers, the relationships, the break ups, the swings that feel like your stomach may fall out of your body, all of it… it all comes down to love.

Self love, the love for others. And rock bottom is the place you find true unconditional love for yourself. There is joy in that. All you have to do is find it.

But what the fuck do I know? I am just a woman trying to make it.