I really am someone who is blown with the wind often.
Or at least I was. And sometimes, that part of my nature rears its head and makes its self so blatantly obvious, that it’s hard to ignore.
I am an adventurous creature. I get bored so unbelievably fast. I really love always having clear-cut accomplishables. When those are gone, and its just abstract big goals, I tend to loose track.
Haha we getting honest in this one. Well, I am anyway. *Insert weird face tongue sticky outty emoji here*
I almost hate admitting that. I just wanna get on here and be like ‘My life is so together and I am so cool’
But It’s not. So here we are.
Did I like just do a post about shame?
Okay I’m done spiraling.
For real though. I like to be challenged and pushed and have a yummy list daily. It’s the way that I get myself motivated.,
It’s also the way I get the wettest. I pretty much just love it when someone can actually keep up with me and push me. I love it. I thrive on it. Let’s see who taps out first? Yes and thank you.
And when I dont have it, I get bored, and I do reckless things.
Kinda like…what I am doing now.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to keep myself focused and stick to the plan when I am bored?
Something that I have started doing over the last few years, when I finally just accepted that this is part of who I am as a person, and it is what it is… I give myself a challenge. The problem this time is that I don’t have fucking time! Who can handle any more stuff really? Not this bitch.
GUUUYYYYSSS!!! What do I do? The bordem might actually kill me.
I know what I need, and I feel like that is ninety percent of the battle. That last ten percent might actually kill me. Like dead and gone and no longer living, put my head on a stake, use me as a cautionary tale for all those that come after me.
All of that to say that no matter how much you heal, and manifest, and work through your shit, there are days. There are days when it is just self-discipline. You have to be willing to do the work no matter how hard it is. There isnt always some magic sauce (Although I know a few guys who have it….. Fuck maybe I just need to get laid, like yesterday) to make everything better. Sometimes it is just work.
I know what I want, and I am unafraid of what I want. I don’t want to get sidetracked and run off the rails. So I’ll figure out something. I always fucking do.
Becauase I am a bad ass
I am goddess
I am the queen fucking bee.
And NOTHING stands in my way. Nothing stands in the way of my goals, and you can bet your ass I am getting there. One way or another. Even if the next few months are going to be a bitch and a half until things settle down.
Thats okay. I am okay with that. If I can just settle in my mind that this is just what I am going to be doing for the next little while, and find ways of making it good or just bulldozing through. Either way, this is what it is. I am where I am, and quitting my job to hit the road or join the bar scene again would be the opposite of what my family needs. I can only do what I can do.
