Objectivly healing shame is tottally possible.
If shame is something you’re ready to battle. There are so many ways to battle it. There are objective ways that work for everyone. I truly believe that. But doing things this way was easier for me, allowed me to grow in more ways than one, and gave me the tools I needed to go deeper and understand better. The underlying idea is objective! So make it work for you!
May work for you. May not. We are all so different, and those differences are a good thing. My example was one of the easiest for me to be honest, there were a lot of situations that I had to grapple through, and that was a lot harder. But trust me when I say it works for EVERYTHING. We are healing shame objectively. It won’t be easy, but it is an easy process.
And hey, if you wanna work through something like this with me, I would love to help you out with this journey, book a one-on-one with me. https://elizabetheternal.com/creating-the-feminine-energy/
I had so much shame around the fact that I smoked weed.
But why did I have shame about that?
Its a natural plant. One that I still indulge in fairly regularly. Not like I did before. I am not looking to get fucked up. I just want to be able to function when I am in pain, and sleep well.
There was so much shame around Weed, that when I said to myself “This could help me with pain, and could make it easier for me to sleep. This could help me avoid narcotics and muscle relaxers.” Which by the way, I am really good at becoming dependent on…. It still took me two more years of suffering in silence and forcing myself to do things I shouldn’t have in order to avoid smoking a little bit of weed.
It got to the point that even when I did ‘give in’ and used it, I would have insane paranoia. Now I use that word lightly here. Because that is the technical term for it. But if felt more like anxiety. I would be worried about whether or not I was doing the right thing. What if someone needs me? Or what if someone calls me, and I feel like I have to answer, and then they will know that I smoked because I will be more relaxed than I usually am and then they will think that I am not doing well and I will have to explain my choice… and I really do not want to do that.
Shame. So much shame for simply doing something that was genuinely helping me. But let me make something so clear, even if I just wanted to be a little stoned because it sounded nice, there still shouldn’t be shame. But I digress. We are talking about healing Shame objectively.
Get on track Elizabeth!
So the the thing that was helping me, was not even an enjoyable thing, and I got sucked back into the same shame cycle.
But I could not tell anyone that was what was happening. Hell no! I am not that weak. I don’t need it damn it! Just be a little stronger next time, make sure you smoke a little less, and put more parameters around something that should just be a thing that I used responsibly because I am allowed to do things, simply because they are pleasurable.
I traced it way back. Gained a bit of polarity over the situation. I asked myself a few questions.
The Questions. Bum bum buuummmm
-What is the objective truth about this situation.
Or What is the objective truth about weed?
My answer – It’s morally neutral. This is a plant, that is used in a lot of ways and has been used in medicine for thousands of years by many different cultures. The morality of it comes in by the way it is used, and the way it affects your life and loved ones. It can be used as a crutch. It can be used to escape. You can get yourself into trouble with it. But it is not just that. There is a positive side. The morality lives in the responsibility of the person partaking.
-I still feel shame. Why? When did I first feel this way.
Or, I am experiencing shame surrounding using this tool. Why? When did I first feel this way about Weed? Do I view it as a drug the same as meth or Coke? Is this really just not a good choice for me for some reason, and if so, what is that reason? (Yes I know that’s a lot of questions all at once. I’ve been doing this hot second. the meditation on this sort of thing is easier now. Start simple.)
My answer – I traced it back to a specific instance when I was in the church. And a man who had been smoking for a few years confessed his ‘sin’ to the church. He was ridiculed for the wrong he had done, shamed, and belittled by a room full of people. They kept saying his actions were “Selfish” And that the use of it “Proved his distance from God”. In the same event, they praised him relentlessly for stepping away from it.
Looking back… this man had four kids, a full-time job, and many hobbies outside of his home. He invested in his children and would take one of them on some sort of outing solo every week so that he could have one-on-one time with each of them. Was seriously involved with his family. Was excelling in his position at work, and at the end of the day would relax with a joint, this felt like a serious overreaction. But I digress.
This didn’t feel like the root of it though. Just another branch of a deeper issue, so I dived deeper.
LOOOOng story short, I had associated needing help calming down, with being weak. Anything that was a crutch, a coping skill, or even needing a hug after a long day, was shameful and proved I was not a strong being. This was confirmed in my young adulthood by seeing a man who was using it as a tool, be ridiculed and shamed for needing help relaxing.
-Is that objectivly true?
My answer- No I didn’t deserve it when I was a child. He didn’t deserve it as an adult.
So now its time to talk about it.
It was at this point that yes, talking about the shame, felt really wrong, and I didn’t want to talk about it still, but It made it possible for me to do the thing. To just say it. Weed wasn’t the issue. Feeling like it was shameful for me to not have it one hundred percent together, one hundred percent of the time, was the cause. My not being in my feminine energy, and allowing myself to be soft, vulnerable, and beautiful for exactly what I am, was the cause.
What is so much more amazing, is that when I did, I realized how many people I knew also needed to talk about it. How, when I released my shame, I was helping other people do the same thing. It allowed for deeper connection with others, and for deeper truth and honesty to enter my relationships, platonic or otherwise. I was getting the mushy ooey gooey curse all over everything anymore.
And you know what else? I got to take a nap! I was able to have pain days, and still function and do the things I love, without wanting to to cry anymore. I was a little more free. I am a little more free.
So..
I am so going to drop some yummy comfortable things down below, that I now indulge in fucking shame-free. Things that I would have said are over indulgent and I don’t need them because that is for weak women. But also some tools I think could be helpful.
https://amzn.to/3VYJvYn – Heating pad
https://amzn.to/3zkJi92 -Seriously so good.
https://amzn.to/3RK5KP1 – Fuckless book. Delicous read
https://amzn.to/3VFBTbV – Pain killers.
https://amzn.to/3ziX4c7 – Law of attraction may as well be a classic at this point. It will help.
