Objectivly healing shame is tottally possible.

If shame is something you’re ready to battle. There are so many ways to battle it. There are objective ways that work for everyone. I truly believe that. But doing things this way was easier for me, allowed me to grow in more ways than one, and gave me the tools I needed to go deeper and understand better. The underlying idea is objective! So make it work for you!

May work for you. May not. We are all so different, and those differences are a good thing. My example was one of the easiest for me to be honest, there were a lot of situations that I had to grapple through, and that was a lot harder. But trust me when I say it works for EVERYTHING. We are healing shame objectively. It won’t be easy, but it is an easy process.

And hey, if you wanna work through something like this with me, I would love to help you out with this journey, book a one-on-one with me. https://elizabetheternal.com/creating-the-feminine-energy/

I had so much shame around the fact that I smoked weed.

But why did I have shame about that?

Its a natural plant. One that I still indulge in fairly regularly. Not like I did before. I am not looking to get fucked up. I just want to be able to function when I am in pain, and sleep well.

There was so much shame around Weed, that when I said to myself “This could help me with pain, and could make it easier for me to sleep. This could help me avoid narcotics and muscle relaxers.” Which by the way, I am really good at becoming dependent on…. It still took me two more years of suffering in silence and forcing myself to do things I shouldn’t have in order to avoid smoking a little bit of weed.

It got to the point that even when I did ‘give in’ and used it, I would have insane paranoia. Now I use that word lightly here. Because that is the technical term for it. But if felt more like anxiety. I would be worried about whether or not I was doing the right thing. What if someone needs me? Or what if someone calls me, and I feel like I have to answer, and then they will know that I smoked because I will be more relaxed than I usually am and then they will think that I am not doing well and I will have to explain my choice… and I really do not want to do that.

Shame. So much shame for simply doing something that was genuinely helping me. But let me make something so clear, even if I just wanted to be a little stoned because it sounded nice, there still shouldn’t be shame. But I digress. We are talking about healing Shame objectively.

Get on track Elizabeth!

So the the thing that was helping me, was not even an enjoyable thing, and I got sucked back into the same shame cycle.

But I could not tell anyone that was what was happening. Hell no! I am not that weak. I don’t need it damn it! Just be a little stronger next time, make sure you smoke a little less, and put more parameters around something that should just be a thing that I used responsibly because I am allowed to do things, simply because they are pleasurable.

I traced it way back. Gained a bit of polarity over the situation. I asked myself a few questions.

The Questions. Bum bum buuummmm

-What is the objective truth about this situation.

Or What is the objective truth about weed?

My answer – It’s morally neutral. This is a plant, that is used in a lot of ways and has been used in medicine for thousands of years by many different cultures. The morality of it comes in by the way it is used, and the way it affects your life and loved ones. It can be used as a crutch. It can be used to escape. You can get yourself into trouble with it. But it is not just that. There is a positive side. The morality lives in the responsibility of the person partaking.

-I still feel shame. Why? When did I first feel this way.

Or, I am experiencing shame surrounding using this tool. Why? When did I first feel this way about Weed? Do I view it as a drug the same as meth or Coke? Is this really just not a good choice for me for some reason, and if so, what is that reason? (Yes I know that’s a lot of questions all at once. I’ve been doing this hot second. the meditation on this sort of thing is easier now. Start simple.)

My answer – I traced it back to a specific instance when I was in the church. And a man who had been smoking for a few years confessed his ‘sin’ to the church. He was ridiculed for the wrong he had done, shamed, and belittled by a room full of people. They kept saying his actions were “Selfish” And that the use of it “Proved his distance from God”. In the same event, they praised him relentlessly for stepping away from it.

Looking back… this man had four kids, a full-time job, and many hobbies outside of his home. He invested in his children and would take one of them on some sort of outing solo every week so that he could have one-on-one time with each of them. Was seriously involved with his family. Was excelling in his position at work, and at the end of the day would relax with a joint, this felt like a serious overreaction. But I digress.

This didn’t feel like the root of it though. Just another branch of a deeper issue, so I dived deeper.

LOOOOng story short, I had associated needing help calming down, with being weak. Anything that was a crutch, a coping skill, or even needing a hug after a long day, was shameful and proved I was not a strong being. This was confirmed in my young adulthood by seeing a man who was using it as a tool, be ridiculed and shamed for needing help relaxing.

-Is that objectivly true?

My answer- No I didn’t deserve it when I was a child. He didn’t deserve it as an adult.

So now its time to talk about it.

It was at this point that yes, talking about the shame, felt really wrong, and I didn’t want to talk about it still, but It made it possible for me to do the thing. To just say it. Weed wasn’t the issue. Feeling like it was shameful for me to not have it one hundred percent together, one hundred percent of the time, was the cause. My not being in my feminine energy, and allowing myself to be soft, vulnerable, and beautiful for exactly what I am, was the cause.

What is so much more amazing, is that when I did, I realized how many people I knew also needed to talk about it. How, when I released my shame, I was helping other people do the same thing. It allowed for deeper connection with others, and for deeper truth and honesty to enter my relationships, platonic or otherwise. I was getting the mushy ooey gooey curse all over everything anymore.

And you know what else? I got to take a nap! I was able to have pain days, and still function and do the things I love, without wanting to to cry anymore. I was a little more free. I am a little more free.

So..

I am so going to drop some yummy comfortable things down below, that I now indulge in fucking shame-free. Things that I would have said are over indulgent and I don’t need them because that is for weak women. But also some tools I think could be helpful.

https://amzn.to/3VYJvYn – Heating pad

https://amzn.to/3zkJi92 -Seriously so good.

https://amzn.to/3RK5KP1 – Fuckless book. Delicous read

https://amzn.to/3VFBTbV – Pain killers.

https://amzn.to/3ziX4c7 – Law of attraction may as well be a classic at this point. It will help.

Shame is a curse, and the rule of the curse is you can’t talk about it.

I heard this line from a woman named Mami Onami. I have honestly learned, healed, and grown so much from her, go check her out. https://www.mamionami.com/safehouse I’ve taken a few of her courses as well when they were doing a monthly subscription. And… well… go take them.

This particular line has been running through my head on repeat. Shame is a POWERFUL thing that we are all carrying on some level. It’s a massive Charka block. For me, shame was and is something I struggle with, because it was weaponized a lot through my formative years, and heavily reinforced through my young adulthood. Of course, in typical human fashion, I was amazing at self-perpetuating it through the rest of my life. At least until the last few years.

When it was explained to me like that, something just clicked. It snapped into place for me, in a way I can’t explain. Shame is a curse. It infects everything. Dripping its oozy gross self all over every relationship, every quiet moment, and every behavior. Once I saw it like this, noticing the gross invader became easy. I could see that Shame was a curse plain and simple.

That does not mean that dealing with it is easy. Because it is one thing to know there is a curse, its another to actually do something about the curse.

And the funny thing is, the rule of the curse, is you can’t talk about it. Shame is really good at staying inside. Because it wouldn’t be a problem if you didn’t have a problem talking about it. This proved to be true for me. Talking about it, felt like there was a little gremlin sitting in my chest, refusing to let me breathe and stomping around my insides until I felt like a pulverized piece of meat. If that doesn’t sound dramatic I don’t know what it is.

But its the truth.

The big giant emotions around this could be exasperated by the fact that I am an Aries. And you know us aries, always worried about the way we are perceived.

Dealing with the Curse.

Dealing with this block or the curse of shame, has made me a far nicer person though. Because for me, I had to get to the bottom of it. I couldn’t just talk about the things I was ashamed of, there was no amount of trying to force myself to do it that was going to work. I had to understand why I felt that way, and I had this desire to prove that it was all just so bad for me to ever talk about and that I was right to hold it in.

I even had the thought that I could be the one person who could hold things in, and carry the shame, but also release the block. The pride in me was just too fucking much. I cringe at myself a little now.

Getting to the bottom of things, forced me to look at myself and admit that something was wrong in the first place! Admitting that there were parts of me, whole ass parts of my personality, of my life, of my past, and coping skills, that I pretty much liked to pretend didn’t exist. To accept them as a part of myself.

To accept them as a part of myself meant that I had to admit I was being judgmental about other people who were struggling with the same thing. Remember, that everything you judge you’re secretly jealous of. Which made me look at people and the human experience very differently.

People with addictions are hurting. People who don’t get their shit together, are getting exactly what they need from life. People still hanging out in religion, are not prepared to leave yet, they may never. And they are getting exactly what they need.

Go check out this page if you want to schedule one-on-one time to go over this more in a way that is personal to you. Or if you just want a safe place to talk about it. https://elizabetheternal.com/creating-the-feminine-energy/

So yeah.

Theere is just to much I wanna talk about on this subject. So come back for part two.

Also, for all my lovlie feminine energies out there. You do not need these things to heal, you really don’t. But if you are going to embark on something like this, please protect and nurture the feminine energy through this. It’s easy to dip too far into the masculine when dealing with structural energies. I’m going into that in the next post.

Do it like a women damn it!

So these are a few things that gave me comfort and reminded me to go slow. You do what you need to do.

https://amzn.to/3VWAdvI -Cozy blanket.

https://amzn.to/3VDxiXE -Warming things.

https://amzn.to/4evL2w6 – Crystals

I really am someone who is blown with the wind often.

Or at least I was. And sometimes, that part of my nature rears its head and makes its self so blatantly obvious, that it’s hard to ignore.

I am an adventurous creature. I get bored so unbelievably fast. I really love always having clear-cut accomplishables. When those are gone, and its just abstract big goals, I tend to loose track.

Haha we getting honest in this one. Well, I am anyway. *Insert weird face tongue sticky outty emoji here*

I almost hate admitting that. I just wanna get on here and be like ‘My life is so together and I am so cool’

But It’s not. So here we are.

Did I like just do a post about shame?

Okay I’m done spiraling.

For real though. I like to be challenged and pushed and have a yummy list daily. It’s the way that I get myself motivated.,

It’s also the way I get the wettest. I pretty much just love it when someone can actually keep up with me and push me. I love it. I thrive on it. Let’s see who taps out first? Yes and thank you.

And when I dont have it, I get bored, and I do reckless things.

Kinda like…what I am doing now.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to keep myself focused and stick to the plan when I am bored?

Something that I have started doing over the last few years, when I finally just accepted that this is part of who I am as a person, and it is what it is… I give myself a challenge. The problem this time is that I don’t have fucking time! Who can handle any more stuff really? Not this bitch.

GUUUYYYYSSS!!! What do I do? The bordem might actually kill me.

I know what I need, and I feel like that is ninety percent of the battle. That last ten percent might actually kill me. Like dead and gone and no longer living, put my head on a stake, use me as a cautionary tale for all those that come after me.

All of that to say that no matter how much you heal, and manifest, and work through your shit, there are days. There are days when it is just self-discipline. You have to be willing to do the work no matter how hard it is. There isnt always some magic sauce (Although I know a few guys who have it….. Fuck maybe I just need to get laid, like yesterday) to make everything better. Sometimes it is just work.

I know what I want, and I am unafraid of what I want. I don’t want to get sidetracked and run off the rails. So I’ll figure out something. I always fucking do.

Becauase I am a bad ass

I am goddess

I am the queen fucking bee.

And NOTHING stands in my way. Nothing stands in the way of my goals, and you can bet your ass I am getting there. One way or another. Even if the next few months are going to be a bitch and a half until things settle down.

Thats okay. I am okay with that. If I can just settle in my mind that this is just what I am going to be doing for the next little while, and find ways of making it good or just bulldozing through. Either way, this is what it is. I am where I am, and quitting my job to hit the road or join the bar scene again would be the opposite of what my family needs. I can only do what I can do.