The action of evolving is Surrender. Surrender is open-mindedness. And life is for the living. 

I said what I said. 

 I know that makes people nervous, and childhood trauma leads us to this intense desire to have complete control over as much in our lives as humanly possible. The thing is, I am not discrediting that kind of life in the slightest. If that is truly what your heart needs and wants and you are perfectly satiated in that life, then you fucking go for it. There is no judgment here. Truly. 

The people that I am talking to today, are the dreamers, the growers, the ones that look at this life as a delicious opportunity to experience as much as they can in this lifetime. 

Check out https://elizabetheternal.com/the-fundamentals-of-fear/

As for my evolution

Since I have embarked on my healing journey, one of the most prevalent things I have learned is that I am an ever-evolving human. I am learning to fully embrace the action of evolving. What I have and want now, is not necessarily what I will want and need in the future. That is completely okay. There is nothing wrong with that. It doesn’t mean I was wrong then, or I am losing my mind now. I evolved. That is a beautiful thing. 

I would rather have had six different careers, and been stupidly, and incandescently happy the entire time than receive the accolade of forty years in one career. Have lived in twenty different cities and met thousands of people; giving my children and family an amazing adventure – than have bought just one house in a small town in a good school district, just because it was expected of me. There is something delicious about having experiences with as many people as feels right for me, rather then to have only been with one man because the church or society says that it would make me a purer woman.

The list goes on. 

Fluidity

I crave fluidity and surrender more now than ever before in my life.. I happen to really love my life. If I ever wanted anything different, I do have rules for myself, guidelines that I must follow. Like, it would need to be moving me further in life, not backward. It would need to not bring harm to my family. Things like that. 

But I would think about it. Spend time with it. Possibly even do it. Even if it was scary. 

That does not mean that I want to be blown with the wind every time it moves. I don’t want to be flighty and dip on everyone the second my mind starts to wander. It’s not that. 

It’s a willingness to be open to life. And whatever it may throw at me. 

I’m cool with it. I have found freedom in it. And I have no intention of chaining myself to just one thing. 

A lot of that is because I have surrendered, I do know what I want. And I am not afraid of my wants and desires. I embrace them fully. 

Surrendering to the ever-evolving self. 

Fuck I hate that word just a little bit. Surrender. Okay, a lot a bit. 

Because in the church it was always used to say, “Your life is what it is and if you are content enough, God will make you feel better about it.” That was always the expectation for me. 

FUCK THAT. 

For real. 

With a spikey fucking dildo. 

I am not doing that. Not ever. 

But, leaving that little idea of surrender aside, let’s dive into what that means in this context. 

Often, when we haven’t told ourselves the whole story and gained polarity of the things that have plagued us, we do this thing. become extremely hardened towards things that are perceived as ‘unsafe’. Ultimately it means our brains are doing the fucking job all the way. We really do have animal-like brains, once something is categorized as unsafe, that is it. We naturally start to gravitate away from anything that even slightly triggers that injured part of the mind. Then we form a comfortable life around what feels a little more comfortable. 

The healed and surrender

None of this is done consciously. It’s the subconscious part of the mind. It is the part of our mind that was developed when we were just little tiny humans and didn’t have the skills and ability to navigate hard things. Before we truly understood what these things meant. Usually before the age of seven, but as young as birth. Which by the way, is just really fucking annoying. But I digress. 

This is where people get tripped up with healing. They find that they can be free from some of the consequences of that trauma, but when the uncomfortable feeling of stepping outside of the safe little box that was created, it is assumed that it is intuition saying no. 

HAHA not exactly. 

This is the next step in the action of evolving. 

Surrender is getting comfortable being uncomfortable for a while. It is asking yourself what is underneath the uncomfortable feeling. When you surrender it is saying that you are willing to sit with the things of this life and be willing to step outside of what is comfortable. Ask yourself what is real to you outside of the trauma you have faced. And that is really scary. Surrender is the action of evolving. Moving forward, living life in freedom. 

True Open-mindedness is the path to Evolve.

True open-mindedness is your ability to be able hold multiple realities in you at one time. The one you are living. The feeling that you are getting – that the thing is scary and doesn’t feel right. But also, the reality that it is a fun thing and could help you learn and grow. And deciding which one is true to you in a real way. Not in a way that lives in comfort and refuses to shake the boat. 

What we seem to forget, I have already stated. We have animal-like brains. Though I think most of us would understand the analogy of computer-like brains a little better. This trauma creates a pathway in the brain, or installed software, that physically changes the brain to alleviate the threat and create coping skills just in case it happens again. You can heal all you fucking want, the pathway is there until you decide that you are going to change the pathway. I say that like it’s so easy, but in reality, this is very difficult. 

It requires you to sit with things. Ponder them, try new things, open yourself up to perceived vulnerability, and live consistently with the understanding that you could absolutely get hurt again. 

However, on the other side of all that healing and all that polarity and all that work, is freedom. It is a life well lived and a life you can be stupidly in love with. It is fluid and delicious and allows you the ability to continue to evolve. The action of evolving is surrender.

Did you know that fear is not something that we were supposed to feel? Fear and fear-based emotions such as jealousy, anger, contempt, etc… were never supposed to be something we as humans were made to experience. Our brains quite literally do not have the inferstructer for those emotions.

Lets start with the basics, shall we?

Think about the things that are innate to us as humans. When we are born, our little tiny baby brains already know how to do a few things. Which is cool if you ask me. This includes our ability to breathe, find food, form strong connections, love, and the ability to evolve. There is an argument to be made for experiencing pleasure. However, that is widely debated among professionals…. I would like to believe we do, but I don’t have anything to back that up with so take it as you will. We don’t need to learn how to do these things though, because they are necessary to our survival. We find this and readily accept this concept in the animal kingdom all the time.

No one bats an eye when an elephant or a horse is born, and are up walking within the first twelve hours. Why? Because it is necessary for their survival. We don’t question it. We don’t ask why or try to make them different than what they are, because if we want the species as a whole to continue, we know that they will need to have the ability to walk.

Those things that are innate to us, are necessary to our survival. We NEED them. What we do not have the ability to do, is experience fear. Our brains do not know what to do with it. And therefore, fear is not a brain thing, it is a nervous system thing. The fact that we don’t know what to do with fear is why we form such strong aversions to it. This is where trauma that lingers lives. We create a story and a coping mechanism that keeps us from experiencing that emotion again. Then it slips into the subconscious and we get to live with it until it’s dealt with.

Why is this important to understand.

First of all, it is an important concept to understand so that we are propelled forward to evolve. As I stated in this https://elizabetheternal.com/the-action-of-evolving/ blog. Evolving and learning are necessary components to the growth of our species.

But today, I want to talk about fear. Fear is a necessary part of the human experience.

I said what I said. I will pause for dramatic effect.

*Insert lame elevator music here.*

Contradictory I know.

But it is so fucking true!

How do we evolve if we do not experience some form of resistance? How do we appreciate life, and have deep pleasure, if we dont know what it feels like to have anything else? How do we overcome and become the people we were meant to be if we first do not have fear?

I believe that the fact we do not possess the ability to hold fear in ourselves without first creating the infrastructure for it is the whole point! I know it goes against like everything the spiritual community says on a regular bases, but I fucking love fear, and even have a soft spot for fear-based emotions. Because this means personal growth!!! Its a good thing.

I mean… it does not feel like a good thing at the moment admittedly, however, it is indeed good.

We need life experience. The good, and the bad, the painful, the scary, the weird, and everything in between because it allows us the ability to grow and evolve and experience pleasure, and satiation at greater heights than we would have ever experienced without it. It is my personal belief that this is why we have not evolved further, to know how to accommodate fear innatly. At this point, we really should have. The level of evolution we have experienced as a species is INSANE! Fear is something that most people experience literally from the moment they are born. So, naturally, that should evolve. But it hasn’t. I think the resistance we experience with these emotions, is just as important and necessary to our survival as what IS innate to us.

If we are spiritual beings having a physical experience. Then there are the things that those spiritual beings signed up for. It is all good in the grand scheme of things. And we love it.

It’s tough now. but it is apart of the process. Apart of the beauty of life.

I live in the freedom consistently, that life is school, and every time these emotions come up, it is an opportunity for personal groeth and to reach new heights of pleasure and satiation.

But hey, I am just a women trying to make it, so what the fuck do I know?

I will never tell a masculine what to do.

And oh how people are going to be so so so mad at me about this. I know. I can feel it. The tensions rising already with just that one little statement.

But it’s true.

I mean you can try. But take a moment all my lovely fems out there reading this. The last time you had a fight with your masc, what was it about? I am going to take a really good educated guess here, and say there is a good chance that the masc had made a decision about something, you didn’t love it and told him to do something else, and…. one thing led to another. Or, you told them “Hey you are going to do this” And that was not very well received.

Im going to wager a bet that a lot of smaller arguments between the masc and the fem start this way. It’s unfortunate because, it can be so easily avoided by the feminine leaning into her power. So, I am going to chit chat about this just a little. And the crazy thing is, the argument ends up being about something completely different. Because, the energy is out of alignment and the brain needs something to fix, so it creates it.

Keep an open mind, okay?

You’re going to need it.

I get it, you my little love are absolutely just as much in charge of this relationship as the masculine. There is no lesser, or greater in the dynamic. The only reason we see it this way, is that as a society, we only like to praise the masculine traits as being good, and the feminine as being subservient. This is a massive oversight of this energy.

The Structure is VITALLY important, but so is the temperature. This is a vital piece of the equation. They are both needed consistently.

When a man, any man, tells me “This is what I am going to do” And I don’t like it, my first reaction is to tell them no, and demand they do it differently. The problem with that, is the masculine is the structure. This is where his energy and his power live. This is where he is the most satiated and happy and where they are the most vital. The masculine does not need more structure, they need temperature.

So when the feminine challenges that, it’s problematic in their heads. It’s not a conscious thought, It is an energetic action. Because it brings into question their ability to take care of the things they love. It raises a bright burning target in there head and can flip a switch really easy to allow for defensiveness. The feminine will never get more enraged then when they feel they are not being heard.

And the battle of wills ensues.

This does not mean that I will be keeping my opinion to myself. It is that, I will be approaching things very different. I have a voice, but meeting the masculine with an outright demand is going to put them at odds with what you are saying. Their defenses are going to immediately pop up.

“Can I ask why this is not a bit more emergent?”

Or

“Can I get some more clarity on why we are not doing it this way? I will hear you, I just want to understand”

Something like that.

If they are a healthy masc, they will listen. If they are not…. girl what the fuck are you doing? Bounce. You are of high value, if you’re not being listened to, the cover charge is not being met. End of story.

If they continue down the same path, be vulnerable! Not manipulative, just honest. “This is making me a bit uncomfortable because.”

“doing things this way is making it really hard for me because…..”

“My anxiety is through the roof on this because”

This causes healthy discussion! We LOVE a good healthy discussion.

And ultimately they are going to do there thing. Ultimately the structure is going to be the structure. My energy can then be spent loving him anyway, bringing a sense of calm and coming along side them. Be the peace, and the driving force. Because then, if it does not work out, WE ARE STILL A TEAM. There is no I told you so’s or hurt feelings or pain. This is the time to realize that your power as the feminine, is to bring the right energy so that your family or your friendship, or your whatever the relationship may be, has the ability to stay intact. The masc cannot do that. They are the structure not the temperature. There power lives in there ability to create structure. Emotionally, spiritually, physically, etc. The feminine power lives in the temperature, emotionally, spiritually, physically, etc.

And any man can be seduced… into anything. There is always a back up plan.

But really. This is not saying that you need to just roll over and let your masc do whatever they want. They are not your over-ruler, they are your person. They are not your boss, they are your structure. If you need to go to bat over something, and it requires you to tell them what to do, then girl do your thing. But remember where your power lives. You set the temperature. You have the ability to change the dynamic at the drop of a hat.

It’s not a matter of if, it’s a matter of when.

Now in order for this dynamic to work, you do indeed need to be a high value woman. There is so much information out there on this topic. However, it says there is only one way to be this way, and that is just not the truth. Being of high value means achieving the life you want. Putting in the work and effort to be the kind of woman that you want to be. https://amzn.to/4cGp6gU This book is such a yummy place to start with cultivating this energy

The reason I say this, is because the masculine responds well to people and specifically feminines that know their own mind and have a basis to talk about things. I don’t make the rules, I’m just talking about them.

That’s my two cents anyway.